Dream Catcher

Business owners, wives, and moms often find themselves short on time and energy. They are busy juggling a myriad of tasks. Remember, it only takes someone 15 seconds to sum you up and form an opinion. Whether right or wrong that is what happens.  No one likes to be around a whiney person or someone who looks a mess.

 In order to reclaim YOU so you stop sabotaging your efforts– you must adopt the three L’s:

Love You – Make time each day to do something for you. You must fall in love with yourself all over again. Now is the time to purge your closet of any items that make you feel fat or ugly. Purge your refrigerator and cupboards of all foods that make you feel sluggish or guilty. If you are a business owner does your office reflect your personality? Are your surroundings or where you spend most of your waking hours conducive to good mental health? Many of us cannot function when we are surrounded by clutter. Clutter is not only present in your home or office it is also in your car. Clear the clutter so you can unplug and feel good about you. Do not forget to make time to exercise. This does not require investing in a gym membership or expensive clothing. You can put on a comfortable pair of shoes and go for a walk. When you exercise, you will improve your mental clarity and strengthen your heart. Now is the time to make time to take care of you. It is not greedy to love you.

Lose the Excuses – Now is the time to stop playing the blame game. Lose the excuses. Stop blaming the economy, the children, your spouse, or the family pet. You must accept responsibility. If you are short on cash, rework your budget. If you are short on time start budgeting your time. Learn to say no. You have a voice and it needs to be heard. If the children are making demands that strain the family budget, learn to say “no”. If you have family and friends making demands on your time say “no”. People are not mind readers. They often do not have access to your day planner to see that you are over tasked. People will not stop being your friend or associate if you say “no”. When you lose the excuses you will be organized and in control of your situation. This will result in less stress and anxiety in your daily life.

Learn something new – A fundamental part of being successful is always learning something new. You must invest in you so you can grow personally and professionally. This can be something as inexpensive as reading a library book or article online from a quality source. You may want to invest in a weekend retreat or class at your college. Online learning makes it easy to invest in you. You can often listen and learn from the comforts of your home. Do not dismiss investing in you.  In order to be successful as a business owner, wife, or mother you must invest in learning something new each day.

Regardless of the role we play we all want to be successful. When you adopt the three L’s you will be on the road to reclaiming your life and being successful. You will reap many benefits when you make time to love you, lose the excuses, and invest in you.

 Now go adopt the three L’s so you can turn your dreams into reality.

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Jaynine Howard is the debt free business coach, who teaches business owners how to grow their business and increase their profits while remaining debt free. She provides open and honest feedback to her clients while coaching them on how to turn their dreams into $$$$.

 She is a retired United States Marine and resides in Jacksonville, North Carolina. She is the author of Networking Detox and the host of The Dynamic Business Owners Coaching Club.

 To get your free e-course Networking Detox: My 5 Secrets to Networking Success visit http://www.networkingdetox.com , email jaynine@coachjaynine.com or telephone 910-539-2810.

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                           Coach Jaynine Presents

                                    The Coach is 

               Guest Interview with Sylvia Runyon

Date: February 1, 2010

Time: 12pm EST

 Sylvia Runyon is the owner and operator of the woman owned and veteran owned Runyon Photography in Jacksonville, North Carolina. Sylvia is a former United States Marine and combat photographer.  In addition to “normal” photography services, Sylvia will come to your home and host a Portrait Party. You can learn more about Sylvia by visiting her website at http://runyonphotography.com/ and by tuning in to The Coach is in…

 Join me on February 1, 2010 @ 12pm EST as I interview Sylvia Runyon as she shares with us some key tips.  Sylvia will also share business success and horror stories. In addition she will answer, your burning questions so be sure to tune in to Coach Jaynine Presents: The Coach is in… on www.Talkshoe.com and participate by chat or call in at 724-444-7444 and enter the Caller ID 31087#.  All programs are recorded so that you can download the program for your listening pleasure later at your convenience and add it to your audio library.

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 As the Debt Free Business Coach, I coach business owners on the systems and strategies needed to increase their visibility and credibility so they are seen as the EXPERT. If you are ready to grow your business and increase your revenue contact me today at http://coachjaynine.com/  or 910-539-2810 or Jaynine@coachjaynine.com

Today I received another request for money to help a certain population enjoy the Holiday Season. I have nothing against helping the various causes out there. My husband and I do donate a large sum of money and our time to help those who need assistance. However, as we approach the Holiday Season, I wanted to write about a group of women that are very dear to my heart. I feel it is time to share my story so that others can benefit.

I have not always been the woman wearing 9 carats of diamonds on her left ring finger. I have only been remarried for one year. My journey in life has not always been easy or as easy as I’ve made it look. I was raised in Iowa in a small farming community. I joined the United States Marine Corps in October 1982. I was married in 1984 and started my family.  I was always the girl with the perfect hair. Everyone thought my husband and I had the perfect marriage. People always commented on what a beautiful couple we were and how we had beautiful children. What they didn’t know was the violence that took place when inside the privacy of our home. Women Marines have a great deal of pride and they will never tell or share their struggles. They put up a great façade. I have lived in a homeless shelter with my children.  When my husband decided to leave us we were stationed in Okinawa, Japan. The family car was registered in his name on base so he got to keep the car. People thought I just loved to run because the only way I could get to work was to walk my three small children (ages 3, 4, 6)  to daycare and then run to work. It was only a couple miles. In the afternoon, I ran back to the daycare to pick them up and walked with them home.  We even walked to the Commissary; that was rough trying to carry groceries and kids who got tired walking. This took place for a couple months until I was able to purchase a car. No one knew I didn’t have a car and I wasn’t going to be one of those whiney women and expect sympathy from others. I had pride. Today I can spot a Woman Marine who is the victim of domestic violence- my internal alarm beings going off.  I never received spousal support so when I paid my bills there were times I would only have $20 left for two weeks of food. I learned to make miracles happen with my paycheck without defaulting on my bills. I could not risk losing my security clearance by being late on paying my bills. I remember the first year I was on my own with my children. When holiday time rolled around, I was publically humiliated by my SNCOIC. She handed me one of those Holiday boxes from the Chaplains office in front of my entire office of junior Marines. I had budgeted and purchased my families holiday meal. Granted I only had $15 to spend on each child for Christmas that year but I made sure they had something. I had never asked for that box of food and guess what …I said “no thank you” “give it to someone else” and I never took that box home. I did go home and cried. That incident made me feel like a failure.

After my tour in Okinawa, Japan, I was stationed at the Pentagon working for the Secretary of the Navy.  Everyone knew I was a single mom and no one ever treated me like a lower class citizen.  They themselves had class. I worked with some of the best Generals, Admirals, and Political Appointees. When holiday time rolled around, I was overwhelmed with very nice gifts, flowers, Godiva truffles and well wishes for the Holidays. No one made me feel like I was a charity case. They all made feel like an equal, valued employee, and friend. Their kindness felt genuine.  I love it when I see them as commentators on the news shows now. I knew them when…They are the reason I am finishing my PhD. They inspired me to greatness and treated me with dignity. Many of those gifts came in handy as hostess gifts during the holiday season.

While on my twilight tour at Camp Lejeune, I had great peer relationships. People would come to the rescue without me asking. They knew times were tight because things in their households were tight too and they had wives that worked. By then my children were teenagers. I worked part-time as a telemarketer to pay for Christmas and I donated plasma to pay for necessities. However, I never whined or let on how tight money was. My children always had the latest styles and no one would have guessed how tight my budget really was. I brought my own lunch and was a PT fanatic so I always had a reason to turn down a lunch invitation. Even when there was “kid trouble” at home, no one ever knew.  I would drive almost four hours to visit my son in the hospital after I got off work and I would be at work the next day. No one had a clue. Again, I put up a great façade. I saw how others were ridiculed when there were problems at home or they didn’t have money for haircut etc.

So, if you know a single mom who is in the military she may not be as financially well off as she appears. Her appearance will be impeccable. She will always be cheerful and volunteer to help others. But, she maybe stressed wondering how to pay for the holidays. However, remember, she has a great deal of pride and will not ask you for a handout. She will not put her family on the adopt a family list or ask the Chaplain for a care package. People who are in charge of those programs also may not realize she qualifies because it may be just her and one child or two. They seem to focus on families composed of a mom, dad, and a few children. Not a single mom paying mega bucks for daycare and who is probably not receiving child support. I have met several women this year who are not receiving child support even though there is a court order.

Here are my suggestions on how you can help her without embarrassing her or wounding her pride.

1. If you have some extra cash sneak into her office and put it in her gym bag, coat pocket, or desk drawer. There is no greater feeling than finding money. I once found a $20 bill in my All Weather Coat pocket. I don’t know if it was mine or if someone had put it there. But, at that time that $20 had the same feeling as 1K does today.  If you can get hold of a recall roster with her address on it just put an envelope in the mail with some cash in it.  

2. Don’t be afraid to give her a small gift of homemade cookies, breads, fruit or something small with a personal note wishing her and her family a Happy Holiday. But also do this for other people too so she doesn’t think you did this just for her. The food gift will be welcomed and if it is a gift she doesn’t like she will be able to re-gift it. Paying for all the extra gifts at Christmas time is hard on a single mom budget. Many times, you will see a single mom offer to stand duty instead of attending a party where you need to bring a toy for Toys for Tots, buy a new outfit or pay a big fee to attend. I once begged to stand duty so I didn’t have to pay $50 to go on a fishing trip. Luckily, I was the only female SNCO in the Unit so they readily agreed I could be the Duty. I didn’t have $50 to blow on something so frivolous. While stationed at the Pentagon I would use my children as an excuse so that I didn’t have to attend a party that required a more formal party dress that just wasn’t in my budget.  I also didn’t date when my children were little because I couldn’t afford daycare or clothes to go out on a date.

3. If you invite her and her family to dinner be prepared for her to say “no”. She may not have money for a hostess gift or to pay for the gas to get to your house. I turned down many an invitation because I did not have money for the gas to drive the extra distance or to buy or make a hostess gift. Make it very clear that she does not need to bring anything. However, if she says NO just drop it. Don’t make her feel bad by having to state the real reason she cannot accept your hospitality.

Being a single mom Marine can also be very lonely.  As she advances in rank there may be times she is the only female of her rank in the Unit. During the workday, she has many friends who are often male Marines. However, when it is time for office functions she is left alone because the male Marines do not want to introduce her to their wives because they may get jealous that he talks to a female at work. The Marine Corps Ball is a very lonely and stressful time for women Marines who are single parents. They often cannot afford the price of the ball ticket. They are forced to wear their uniform and not a pretty ball gown. They can purchase a dress uniform but many cannot afford to do that nor can they afford daycare so they can attend the event. If they do attend the event, they sit alone because everyone else is paired with their spouses or they leave after happy hour and say they need to pick up kids. Many women Marines often end up not attending the Marine Corps Ball due to finances. They sit home alone. They also sit home alone during the holiday season because they cannot afford the gas or airfare to go home to visit family. It is different being a single parent home alone with children on the holidays than being a married family staying home on the holidays.

I challenge you to listen with your eyes and ears throughout the year.  Learn from my story how to be respectful yet helpful to a single woman Marine Mom. She has a great deal of pride and will never admit that her life is anything less than perfect. It is tough being a Marine; it is tougher being a Woman Marine, and even more tough being a Single Parent Marine.

 

Jaynine Howard retired from the United States Marine Corps in 2002. She is the author of Mom’s Recipes for the Broke & Starving available at http://www.knowledge-download.com/5120/